5 a.m. Thoughts on Gender Envy and Gender Grief

Some realizations don’t arrive gently.
Some arrive at 5 a.m., when the world is quiet enough that you can’t avoid yourself anymore.

I didn’t expect a piece of media to crack something open in me that years of reading, therapy-adjacent introspection, and careful self-identification hadn’t fully touched. But watching Heated Rivalry did exactly that.

Not because it “explained” gender to me — but because it made me feel something so deeply and so sharply that I couldn’t look away from it anymore.